HERE I AM

GUESS WHAT.....I HVE HAD NO TIME... I KNOW I HAVE NEGLECTED TO KEEP EVERYONE UP ON THE PROGRESS OF MY LIFE, BUT REALLY ALL I DO IS WORK... I STILL HAVE YET TO FIND THE TIME TO GET MY INTERNET GOING, BUT I AM GOING TO GET TO IT... JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN AND SAY HI TO ALL....

I AM NOT LOST

OK...I KNOW I HAVE BEEN MISSING IN ACTION SINCE WE WERE SUPPOSE TO MOVE...FIRST OFF..MY INTERNET GOT SHUT OFF BEFORE IT WAS SUPPOSE TO AND WE HAVE YET TO GET IT BACK UP AND RUNNING IN THE NEW HOUSE....BUT VERY SOON..I PROMISE TO ALL OF YOU THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO TALK TO ....HOWDY...AND TO EVERYONE ELSE...HOPEFULLY ALL WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL VERY SOON...I AM ALSO WORKING FULL TIME AND NOT HOME DURING THE DAY, BUT ONCE WE ARE BACK ONLINE I WILL BE ON IN THE EVENINGS...I WOULD SHOW YOU SOME PICS OF THE NEW HOUSE, BUT I AM NOT ON MY COMPUTER SO IT WILL HAVE TO WAIT..HOPE EVERYONE IS GOOD, AND I HOPE TO TALK TO YOU ALL SOON.....

THE NEW HOUSE

OK EVERYBODY....HERE IS THE NEW HOUSE!!! ONCE AGAIN I FORGOT TO TAKE MY CAMERA INSIDE. I MEANT TO TAKE BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES, BUT I FORGOT. I WILL ADD SOME PICTURES OF MY AWESOME PAINTING ABILITIES IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS. THIS PICTURE REALLY IS NOT VERY GOOD, BUT IT WORKS..LOL. TYPE TO YOU ALL SOON!!!! WE WILL HOPEFULLY BE ALL MOVED IN BY APRIL 16TH. WISH US LUCK!!

OK...I KNOW I HAVE BEEN SLACKING, BUT I AM REALLY BUSY GETTING THE NEW HOUSE READY TO MOVE INTO. I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED...JUST WANTED TO STOP BY HERE AND LET EVERYBODY KNOW..I HAVEN'T FORGOT YA!!! I AM ALMOST DONE W/ MY PAINTING AND THEN I JUST GOTTA CLEAN UP. IT SHOULD BE ALL DONE BY NEXT WEEK. WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!!!!

JUST ANOTHER POEM

I wrote this poem as a creative writing assignment my senior year of high school, and ended up in the counselor's office w/ my principal and my mother later that same day. My counselor told my mother that it was a cry for help and he was shocked when my mom and I both burst out in laughter. No one has ever really gotten my writing except for my mother. I do everything in my life the hard way. I love hard, lose hard, and hurt hard. It is just who I am. When I give, I give everything I have and am. It is just my nature. So, no I am not suicidal, and no this is not a cry for help, but it is good and is also one of my favorites that I have written. So I hope you all enjoy this poem, but please know that I am a very happy and well adjusted person.

To End It All

By: Tanjua S. Waddle

Death seems like the perfect way
Just to end it all.
You say goodbye, and bid farewell,
And leave the rest to fall.

It seems no mater how I try,
I just can’t get things right.
Why can’t the one who takes us all,
Come take me tonight.

I’m sure they’ll say I just gave up,
And some may think that’s true.
But in the times of my distress,
I just don’t know what to do.

I try to do right by all,
But I always end up wrong.
I just hope when I am gone,
You’ll realize I did belong.

I tried to fit in the world around,
But I always seemed to fail.
I was merely a train in the night,
Waiting to derail.

Like two ships passing in the night,
So did I pass life.
I left it for the rest to live.
For each of you I sacrificed.

Please don’t think I left you all,
To make it on your own.
You’ll always have the memories,
Of the love I’ve never shown.

I tried to show each of you,
The love I hid away.
For those of you who never knew,
You’ll each find out someday.

You may not all see it now,
But the future will surely tell.
Just follow your heart, and live your dreams,
And never allow yourself to fail.

I can’t ask you all to forgive me,
For all I’ve said and done.
I just wanted you each to know,
That beneath, I’m only human.

You all thought I was solid as stone,
But even the largest mountain crumbles.
I tried to walk the straight and narrow,
But even the most balanced stumble.

If I could be all you need,
I’d bubble over with joy.
But since I can’t, I think it’s best,
I simply be destroyed.

I know that sounds a little harsh,
But it is best for all.
It wouldn’t be so easy for me,
If I didn’t feel so small.

I’m not needed in this world ,
For anything but to take up space.
I wish I knew another way,
To get myself out of this place.

I don’t feel like you need me here,
To complicate the simple tasks.
I guess I’ve finally decided to show,
The face beneath the mask.

I know it will be hard for you,
To go on without me here.
I simply beg you not to cry,
Don’t shed a single tear.

I guess I’ve said enough for now,
And I hope that you all see.
The only thing my death will do,
Is take each of you from me.

I'M STILL HERE

MY WONDERFUL BROTHER
OK. I know i have been slacking, but I have been really busy. Guess what! We are moving. They say that when God closes a door he opens a window. My brother called me last night and asked me if we still wanted to buy his house. Once again, I explained to him that we could not get a bank loan for the house. He has agreed to rent the house to Bill and I until we can buy it. I am soooooooooooooo happy. Not only do we get to go back home like we want to, but we finally get a HOME. I have been on cloud nine all day, even though things did not go quite as smoothly as I would hope. I met my brother at the house at 10 this morning to find 4 1/2 feet of water in the basement. Apparently, the last renters had turned the electricity off and the electric company had neglected to put it back over in my brother's name like they were suppose to, and a water pipe froze and busted. I would hate to see this month's water bill, but we got it all pumped out, and I spent all day peeling wall paper and painting. It was wonderful!! To actually be given free reign over how my house will look when I get done w/ it. My brother has told me that I can do whatever I want to it, within reason. I will be working on it every day so that we can move in a month, if at all possible. So, hooray for me! I am so happy!

ALL I WANT

OK. Here we go with the more personalized blog. Have you ever wanted something so bad, but have absolutely no way of getting it? My husband wanted one thing out of life. A loving wife and great kids. He got it. So, tell me, why my want seems so unreachable to me. I don't wanna be rich, or famous, or even skinny and beautiful. All I want is for my family to have a home that is ours. That is all. That is it. I just want to buy a house. Unfortunately, our credit history keeps us from doing this. Now, that we have good jobs, our bills are always paid, and we always have a little extra each month, no one will give us a home loan because of our PAST credit problems. I guess we went about things the wrong way. Once we got our finances on the right track, we avoided credit cards, bank accounts, and new vehicles. We have always bought vehicles that we could afford to buy out right, and we deal w/ cash, and money orders. No checking accounts. Now, because of our bad past credit, and our current no credit, I can't have what I want more than anything. I just want a house that I can make a home !