WORK ... WORK....WORK

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE JOBS THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE NEVER HOME.... I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH MY LIFE AT HOME RESEMBLED MY NEW JOB AT THE PRISON... BASICALLY THEY ARE THE SAME...YOU HAVE TO BE FAIR, FIRM, AND CONSISTANT....YOU GET BACK TALK ALL THE TIME... YOU HAVE PEOPLE DOING STUPID THINGS THAT GET THEM IN TROUBLE....AND THE CONSEQUENCES CAN RANGE FROM NON-EXISTANT TO TIME OUT....LOL

I AM REALLY ENJOYING MY JOB....PEOPLE ALWAYS LOOK AT ME FUNNY WHEN I SAY THAT CUZ THEY WONDER HOW I CAN ENJOY BEING AROUND CRIMINALS 8 HOURS A DAY... THE TRUTH IS THAT IT IS BASICALLY LIKE BEING OUT ON THE STREETS...BECAUSE , AFTER ALL, DO WE EVER TRULY KNOW THE PEOPLE THAT WE MEET EVERYDAY. WE DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE AT HOME WITH THEIR OWN PEOPLE , AND I DON'T WANNA KNOW... JUST LIKE I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT THE OFFENDERS AT WORK ARE IN FOR... AS LONG AS I TREAT THEM ALL THE SAME, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.....AND NOW .....SOME ON THE JOB HUMOR......

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOU COME ACROSS HAVING TO WORK WITH SOMEONE THAT YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.....I HAVE MET PLENTY OF THESE AT THE PRISON....SO SOMETIMES WHEN I GET BORED I TRY TO FIND THE HUMOR IN THOSE AROUND ME.....THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE SOME OF THIS.....

WORKING WITH LENT
ON THIS GOD FORSAKEN HILL
IS A FAIT WORSE THAN DEATH
FROM WHICH YOU CAN'T HEAL

JACKING WITH HIS RADIO
REARRANGING HIS BELT
TALKING ABOUT GIANT COOKIES
AND HOW VIETNAM FELT(he's only in his 20's)

BUMMING ON MY CIGARETTES
EATIN ALL MY FOOD
CAN I HAVE ONE OF YOUR SODA'S?
I'M SO BROKE....BOODY - HOO

IF ONLY I HAD THE WORDS
TO DESCRIBE WORKING WITH LENT
OTHERS HAVE HAD THE EXPERIENCE
AND NOW KNOW WHAT I MEANT

I THOUGHT PERHAPS IT WAS ME
MAYBE I AM THE BITCH
BUT NO THAT'S NOT IT
I'M AT THE END OF MY WITS

ALL THE CRAZY VOICES
THE ENDLESS RAMBLING OF THOUGHTS
WON'T SOMEONE NORMAL CALL ME
I CAN FEEL MY BRAIN ROT

IS IT TIME TO GO HOME YET?
I KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN HOURS!
SHIT ! IT'S ONLY MIDNIGHT
I DON'T HAVE SUPER POWERS

I CAN'T STOP A SPEEDING BULLET
I'M NOT FASTER THAN A TRAIN
I CAN'T TAKE 8 HOURS OF NONSENSE
I JUST MIGHT GO INSANE

7:00 IS A LITTLE CLOSER
I MIGHT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE
TIME MUST HAVE GONE BY NOW
SHIT ! IT'S ONLY TWELVE O' FIVE

JUST ANOTHER POEM FOR YOU

Time Alone

--------------

My head hurts,
Please make it go away.
My heart is breaking,
I just can’t stand the pain.

The feeling of emptiness,
Is with me everyday.
When will this pain,
Start to fade away?

I need some time off.
I need some time alone.
Will you be okay,
If I leave you on your own?

I need to get away,
To redefine who I am.
I don’t remember anymore,
And no one gives a damn.

I do ! I care !
I miss me everyday.
I just need to be free.
I need to get away.

JUST ANOTHER POEM

I wrote this poem as a creative writing assignment my senior year of high school, and ended up in the counselor's office w/ my principal and my mother later that same day. My counselor told my mother that it was a cry for help and he was shocked when my mom and I both burst out in laughter. No one has ever really gotten my writing except for my mother. I do everything in my life the hard way. I love hard, lose hard, and hurt hard. It is just who I am. When I give, I give everything I have and am. It is just my nature. So, no I am not suicidal, and no this is not a cry for help, but it is good and is also one of my favorites that I have written. So I hope you all enjoy this poem, but please know that I am a very happy and well adjusted person.

To End It All

By: Tanjua S. Waddle

Death seems like the perfect way
Just to end it all.
You say goodbye, and bid farewell,
And leave the rest to fall.

It seems no mater how I try,
I just can’t get things right.
Why can’t the one who takes us all,
Come take me tonight.

I’m sure they’ll say I just gave up,
And some may think that’s true.
But in the times of my distress,
I just don’t know what to do.

I try to do right by all,
But I always end up wrong.
I just hope when I am gone,
You’ll realize I did belong.

I tried to fit in the world around,
But I always seemed to fail.
I was merely a train in the night,
Waiting to derail.

Like two ships passing in the night,
So did I pass life.
I left it for the rest to live.
For each of you I sacrificed.

Please don’t think I left you all,
To make it on your own.
You’ll always have the memories,
Of the love I’ve never shown.

I tried to show each of you,
The love I hid away.
For those of you who never knew,
You’ll each find out someday.

You may not all see it now,
But the future will surely tell.
Just follow your heart, and live your dreams,
And never allow yourself to fail.

I can’t ask you all to forgive me,
For all I’ve said and done.
I just wanted you each to know,
That beneath, I’m only human.

You all thought I was solid as stone,
But even the largest mountain crumbles.
I tried to walk the straight and narrow,
But even the most balanced stumble.

If I could be all you need,
I’d bubble over with joy.
But since I can’t, I think it’s best,
I simply be destroyed.

I know that sounds a little harsh,
But it is best for all.
It wouldn’t be so easy for me,
If I didn’t feel so small.

I’m not needed in this world ,
For anything but to take up space.
I wish I knew another way,
To get myself out of this place.

I don’t feel like you need me here,
To complicate the simple tasks.
I guess I’ve finally decided to show,
The face beneath the mask.

I know it will be hard for you,
To go on without me here.
I simply beg you not to cry,
Don’t shed a single tear.

I guess I’ve said enough for now,
And I hope that you all see.
The only thing my death will do,
Is take each of you from me.

TRIBUTE TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE POETS

Today, instead of my own writing and stupidity, I thought

I would post one of my favorite poems by someone a bit more

famous. This is the very first poem that I memorized when

I first started doing some of my own writing. How was I to

know how true to my life this great work of art would turn

out to be......

March 26, 1874-January 29, 1963

"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper."--Robert Frost

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

NIGHT TERRORS

My Baby’s Terror
By: Tanjua S. Waddle

A mother’s work is never done,
While daddy lies there asleep.
She wakes each night with a scream.
That’s when I know she’s had another dream.


She sits up with terror in her open eyes.
The dream is still with her, it terrifies.
I try to wake her. I do my best.
I know each night I’ll lose some rest.


The horrible things she sees in her head,
Follow her when she wakes screaming in her bed.
The terror she sees I can not know.
But I know it is awful, her face says so.


Every night it is the same old thing.
She wakes up crying and screams my name.
She points to the darkness, something is there.
She screams and she points, while her blank eyes stare .
I wish I could see, what it is that scares her so.
Will the terror in the darkness ever let her go?

My 6 year old daughter suffers from night terrors.
Her night terrors are excruciatingly painful for me, because there is nothing I can do. I have tried several different methods to get her to wake up, but nothing works. I just have to hold her and talk to her until it is over. I think the worst part of all is having her eyes open and looking right through me. She doesn't see me at all. She screams for me, and I am right there but she doesn't know. She has suffered from this condition for at least 2 years and the doctors keep telling me she will grow out of it, but even though she does not remember them, I do. I just wish there was more I could do to bring her out of it quicker. They can last anywhere from a couple of minutes to a record 32 minutes...that one was hard. So leave me a comment if you have any info or advice for me. I would love to hear from someone else who deals w/ this.

Night Terror or Nightmare?:

Nightmares occur during the dream phase of sleep known as REM sleep. Most people enter the REM stage of sleep sometime after 90 minutes of sleep. The circumstances of the nightmare will frighten the sleeper, who usually will wake up with a vivid memory of a long movie-like dream. Night terrors, on the other hand, occur during a phase of deep non-REM sleep usually within an hour after the subject goes to bed. This is also known as stage 4. During a night terror, which may last anywhere from five to twenty minutes, the person is still asleep, although the sleepers eyes may be open. When the subject does wake up, they usually have no recollection of the episode other than a sense of fear. This, however, is not always the case. Quite a few people interviewed can remember portions of the night terror, and some remember the whole thing.

Night Terrors Symptoms:

Sudden awakening from sleep, persistent fear or terror that occurs at night, screaming, sweating, confusion, rapid heart rate, inability to explain what happened, usually no recall of "bad dreams" or nightmares, may have a vague sense of frightening images. Many people see spiders, snakes, animals or people in the room, are unable to fully awake, difficult to comfort, with no memory of the event on awakening the next day.

GRANDPA, TELL ME 'BOUT THE GOOD OL' DAYS

Alzheimer's disease is a progressive disease that damages nerve cells (neurons) in parts of the brain involved in memory, learning, language, and reasoning. As the disease progresses, communication among the neurons breaks down. In early stages, short-term memory begins to fail. Over time, functions such as long-term memory, language, and judgment decline. Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause of dementia in older adults. Dementia is a loss of mental functions--such as thinking, memory, and reasoning--that is severe enough to interfere with a person's daily functioning.
This is the textbook definition of what Alzheimer's disease is, but I have decided to post a more personal definition. My grandfather currently suffers from this disease, and as a CNA I deal w/ other people w/ the same illness on a daily basis. To me, Alzheimer's is best defined as....the destroyer of families, and the only disease known that causes more pain to the people around it than to the person who has it. I recently wrote a poem about my grandfather's condition, and although it is not completely accurate due to artistic creativity, it is the basis of what most families deal with everyday of this disease. This poem was published by my grandfather's nursing home, and again by the National Alzheimer's Association. I hope my readers enjoy !!

This Place I Don't Know

By: Tanjua S. Waddle

Looking through pale blue eyes, the sparkle has gone dim.

Who am I? When am I? Where is this place I am in?

Later today I will sit and I'll dine,

and realize I'm old and haven't much time.

Just for right now, I'm a man of twenty-three.

I'm fighting the war and long to be free.

What am I doing here? What is this place?

I look in the mirror and don't know the face.

People all around me, with smiles and hellos.

There are nice people here, in this place I don't know.

My days are confusing, one moment to the next,

but the people here are kind and treat me with respect.

They say this is my home now, but I can not comprehend.

The people here take care of me, they want to be my friends.

I wander all the hallways looking all around,

but the home that I remember is nowhere to be found.

Sure I have my days when things seem very clear,

but mostly I just spend my days holding back the tears.

Although they treat me good here, I still don't know what's real.

I miss my wife and my kids, they should be with me still.

I know my loved one's visit, more often than I recall.

It's not the same as having them here, to catch me if I fall.

My things are all around me, but it's not the same.

I stay here in this place called "home", and I know they're not to blame.

I'm sure that it was hard for them, to bring me here to stay.

I know they miss me. I miss them, each and every day.

My wife, she comes here daily. My children twice a week.

Why must I repeat myself, when I try to speak.

I see them holding back their tears, and it hurts me so.

I know that it is heartbreaking, when they have to go.

There are days when I don't know them, and I get real mad.

These are the days that hurt the most, and leave me feeling sad.

I sit and remember days gone by, though it seems like it was today.

Why is my mind playing tricks on me? Help me I am afraid.

My days here are not bad it's true.

There are a lot of things that I can do.

There is music and games, and lots of fine folks.

The nurses all smile and tell us all jokes.

My family they call me, when they can not make it here.

I try and I try to keep my mind clear.

I hope that they realize, I love them all so.

They did what they had to, they love me I know.

I don't blame them a bit, it must have been hard.

They'll always be here for me, they'll never go far.

I miss them so much, but this is where I must be.

I needed more than they could give me, this "home" is what I need.

Currently, about 4.5 million Americans suffer from Alzheimer's disease, and about 22,000 people die from Alzheimer's disease every year. The Alzheimer's Association estimates that one in 10 people over age 65 and nearly half of people over 85 have Alzheimer's disease. The number of Americans with Alzheimer's disease is expected to increase to 14 million by 2050, unless a cure or preventive measure can be found. The worst part about this disease is that sometimes it attacks otherwise healthy individuals (like my grandpa). His mind is gone, but his body is healthy. This seems, very much, like a cruel joke. For more information......

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/health/brain/alzheimers/alz.about.htm

LOOKING BACK

For anyone out there who doesn't know, I have a 10 yr. old daughter that I had just a few short months after graduating high school. Her biological father has never been a part of her life. Don't get the wrong idea, he knows all about her. He simply CHOOSES not to be a part of her growing up. A good friend of mine, who knew both of us back in the day, got to talking to me the other night online about everything I went through by being a single, teen mother. While we were talking, my pen started writing. This happens very often. Sometimes, I can be doing just about anything and a new poem will start spewing. So for anyone out there who has also found themselves alone w/ a baby and a lost love, the following poem is for you. Hope you enjoy it...

SHATTERED

by: Tanjua S. Waddle

Shattered and falling to the floor.

My heart breaks into a million splinters.

To think back on that youthful summer,

and forget the pain of that winter.

A summer filled w/ all your love,

your kisses and warm embrace.

A winter filled w/ emptiness and sorrow,

and this hard truth that I must face.

When you were here for me, all was well.

You held me close inside your heart.

Then winter came and you were lost,

and the cold winter breeze kept us apart.

Together we created this child.

Now we are apart, and I raise her alone.

You were too weak to stake your claim,

so now I raise her on my own.

She has never seen you smile at her.

Never heard the voice I know so well.

She is the mirror image of the face I loved.

What her life will be, only time will tell.

Shattered and falling to the floor.

My heart breaks into a million splinters.

To think back on that youthful summer,

and forget the pain of that winter.

A POEM BY ME....FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

TO MOVE FORWARD

by:Tanjua S. Waddle

--------------------------------

It was the very day I came back home,

and sat upon the bank alone.

Thinking back into my life gone past,

and wondering why the good parts never last.

They go by quickly on open wings,

and I sit and wonder what tomorrow will bring.

The past is the past, it is already gone,

and no matter how hard we wish it,

it can't be undone.

We have to move forward, no time to waste.

Can't pause for a break, cause life is a race.

Which one of us can move the furthest ahead,

and which ones of us will end up dead?

It is the eternal question we ask of ourselves.

Dust off your life, take it down off the shelf.

Live free and for the moment,

cause this may be the end.

Be yourself and live each day anew,

you never know when it will be through.

So love the time you're here,

and don't ever show the tears.

This is the best advice that i can give,

Be true to yourself, and for gods sake LIVE!!!