LOTS BEEN HAPPENING...

OK..THERE HAS BEEN A LOT GOING ON SINCE I LAST POSTED...BILL AND I ATTENDED A WEDDING THAT WAS WAY OVER DUE....

THE GIRLS GOT A NEW POOL THAT THEY ABSOLUTELY LOVE.....

THEY HAVEN'T BEEN OUT OF IT FOR 3 DAYS....

THE GIRLS ARE ALL GOOD...CRAZY AS EVER....AND TWICE AS ROTTEN AS EVER, BUT THEY ARE HAVING A GREAT SUMMER....THEY ARE READY TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL NEXT MONTH...BILL AND I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BIG THEY ARE GETTING...STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE OLD...

AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, I BELIEVE I HAVE A NEW JOB COMING UP... I TOOK MY WRITTEN TEST TO WORK AS A CORRECTIONS OFFICER AT A PRISON NEARBY, AND THEY CALLED ME 2 DAYS LATER...THEY WILL BE CALLING ME AGAIN THIS WEEK TO LET ME KNOW WHEN TO COME OVER FOR MY DRUG TEST...(not a problem).. GLAD THAT IS SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT.. I AM JUST HAPPY ABOUT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW..EVERYTHING IS FALLING INTO PLACE FINALLY..AND WE COULDN'T BE HAPPIER...

NIGHT TERRORS

My Baby’s Terror
By: Tanjua S. Waddle

A mother’s work is never done,
While daddy lies there asleep.
She wakes each night with a scream.
That’s when I know she’s had another dream.


She sits up with terror in her open eyes.
The dream is still with her, it terrifies.
I try to wake her. I do my best.
I know each night I’ll lose some rest.


The horrible things she sees in her head,
Follow her when she wakes screaming in her bed.
The terror she sees I can not know.
But I know it is awful, her face says so.


Every night it is the same old thing.
She wakes up crying and screams my name.
She points to the darkness, something is there.
She screams and she points, while her blank eyes stare .
I wish I could see, what it is that scares her so.
Will the terror in the darkness ever let her go?

My 6 year old daughter suffers from night terrors.
Her night terrors are excruciatingly painful for me, because there is nothing I can do. I have tried several different methods to get her to wake up, but nothing works. I just have to hold her and talk to her until it is over. I think the worst part of all is having her eyes open and looking right through me. She doesn't see me at all. She screams for me, and I am right there but she doesn't know. She has suffered from this condition for at least 2 years and the doctors keep telling me she will grow out of it, but even though she does not remember them, I do. I just wish there was more I could do to bring her out of it quicker. They can last anywhere from a couple of minutes to a record 32 minutes...that one was hard. So leave me a comment if you have any info or advice for me. I would love to hear from someone else who deals w/ this.

Night Terror or Nightmare?:

Nightmares occur during the dream phase of sleep known as REM sleep. Most people enter the REM stage of sleep sometime after 90 minutes of sleep. The circumstances of the nightmare will frighten the sleeper, who usually will wake up with a vivid memory of a long movie-like dream. Night terrors, on the other hand, occur during a phase of deep non-REM sleep usually within an hour after the subject goes to bed. This is also known as stage 4. During a night terror, which may last anywhere from five to twenty minutes, the person is still asleep, although the sleepers eyes may be open. When the subject does wake up, they usually have no recollection of the episode other than a sense of fear. This, however, is not always the case. Quite a few people interviewed can remember portions of the night terror, and some remember the whole thing.

Night Terrors Symptoms:

Sudden awakening from sleep, persistent fear or terror that occurs at night, screaming, sweating, confusion, rapid heart rate, inability to explain what happened, usually no recall of "bad dreams" or nightmares, may have a vague sense of frightening images. Many people see spiders, snakes, animals or people in the room, are unable to fully awake, difficult to comfort, with no memory of the event on awakening the next day.

GRANDPA, TELL ME 'BOUT THE GOOD OL' DAYS

Alzheimer's disease is a progressive disease that damages nerve cells (neurons) in parts of the brain involved in memory, learning, language, and reasoning. As the disease progresses, communication among the neurons breaks down. In early stages, short-term memory begins to fail. Over time, functions such as long-term memory, language, and judgment decline. Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause of dementia in older adults. Dementia is a loss of mental functions--such as thinking, memory, and reasoning--that is severe enough to interfere with a person's daily functioning.
This is the textbook definition of what Alzheimer's disease is, but I have decided to post a more personal definition. My grandfather currently suffers from this disease, and as a CNA I deal w/ other people w/ the same illness on a daily basis. To me, Alzheimer's is best defined as....the destroyer of families, and the only disease known that causes more pain to the people around it than to the person who has it. I recently wrote a poem about my grandfather's condition, and although it is not completely accurate due to artistic creativity, it is the basis of what most families deal with everyday of this disease. This poem was published by my grandfather's nursing home, and again by the National Alzheimer's Association. I hope my readers enjoy !!

This Place I Don't Know

By: Tanjua S. Waddle

Looking through pale blue eyes, the sparkle has gone dim.

Who am I? When am I? Where is this place I am in?

Later today I will sit and I'll dine,

and realize I'm old and haven't much time.

Just for right now, I'm a man of twenty-three.

I'm fighting the war and long to be free.

What am I doing here? What is this place?

I look in the mirror and don't know the face.

People all around me, with smiles and hellos.

There are nice people here, in this place I don't know.

My days are confusing, one moment to the next,

but the people here are kind and treat me with respect.

They say this is my home now, but I can not comprehend.

The people here take care of me, they want to be my friends.

I wander all the hallways looking all around,

but the home that I remember is nowhere to be found.

Sure I have my days when things seem very clear,

but mostly I just spend my days holding back the tears.

Although they treat me good here, I still don't know what's real.

I miss my wife and my kids, they should be with me still.

I know my loved one's visit, more often than I recall.

It's not the same as having them here, to catch me if I fall.

My things are all around me, but it's not the same.

I stay here in this place called "home", and I know they're not to blame.

I'm sure that it was hard for them, to bring me here to stay.

I know they miss me. I miss them, each and every day.

My wife, she comes here daily. My children twice a week.

Why must I repeat myself, when I try to speak.

I see them holding back their tears, and it hurts me so.

I know that it is heartbreaking, when they have to go.

There are days when I don't know them, and I get real mad.

These are the days that hurt the most, and leave me feeling sad.

I sit and remember days gone by, though it seems like it was today.

Why is my mind playing tricks on me? Help me I am afraid.

My days here are not bad it's true.

There are a lot of things that I can do.

There is music and games, and lots of fine folks.

The nurses all smile and tell us all jokes.

My family they call me, when they can not make it here.

I try and I try to keep my mind clear.

I hope that they realize, I love them all so.

They did what they had to, they love me I know.

I don't blame them a bit, it must have been hard.

They'll always be here for me, they'll never go far.

I miss them so much, but this is where I must be.

I needed more than they could give me, this "home" is what I need.

Currently, about 4.5 million Americans suffer from Alzheimer's disease, and about 22,000 people die from Alzheimer's disease every year. The Alzheimer's Association estimates that one in 10 people over age 65 and nearly half of people over 85 have Alzheimer's disease. The number of Americans with Alzheimer's disease is expected to increase to 14 million by 2050, unless a cure or preventive measure can be found. The worst part about this disease is that sometimes it attacks otherwise healthy individuals (like my grandpa). His mind is gone, but his body is healthy. This seems, very much, like a cruel joke. For more information......

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/health/brain/alzheimers/alz.about.htm

O... TO BE 18

• Being 17-18 Means . .
  "Where Am I Going and Where Have I Been?"
  


• You personally coin the expression Seize the Day.
  


• At last you are an adult. (Aren't you?)
  


• This is your time to be respected by one and all.
  


• Sex, sex, sex, sex . . . SEX! (SEX!)
  


• You can afford to be a little nostalgic about your childhood, defined as the period of your life that ended roughly yesterday but also seems like a hundred years ago.
  


• You are divided between feelings of total comfort around school and excruciating restlessness.
  


• You suffer a most un-Zenlike burning desire to leave an impression. You want to make yourself a few memories, and you want to be remembered.
  


• Your relationships are even more important, painful, and rewarding.
  


• What happened to your independent, accomplished, strong-willed, clear-eyed parents?! Now they start to be very clingy. (What time are you coming home? Can I look at your application? Why do you need to go out on a weeknight? You wearing socks or not? How come you can't go to a movie with us?)
  


• Is college for me? If so, where? If not, why not? And if not, then what?
  


• If you're college bound, a special bonus reward for you: incalculable first-semester stress in classes and throughout the entire application ordeal.
  


• My classmates are my world! And everything changes come June!
  


• You imagine that adults can be your friends. They're certainly your equals. (Can we stay in touch after graduation?)
  


• Time! There just isn't enough.
  


• Oops. Blip on the screen. Senioritis. (What, me worry?)
  


• Sometimes, in the middle of an afternoon class, you study watermarks on the ceiling and think, Why won't this year ever end?
  


• Oh, no, senior year is over already . . . How did that happen? Where did high school go?


• What did I miss? What didn't I miss?

These are comments found on http://www.familyeducation.com/ and are only a small portion of what you feel on the day that you become an "adult". Today is my little sisters birthday. She is 18 as of today, and soon to be on her way to finding her own life. I remember 18. Unfortunately it was not as happy of a time for me as it is for her. RosaLee is smart, very pretty, and has a good head on her shoulders as to where she is and where she wants to go. She has almost made it. If she can just go these next few months w/ out screwing up, she will be out of our hometown and away from the rapidly declining rural community that we call home. I, on the other hand, spent my senior year wondering how I was going to raise a baby on my own, and pissed off over the full college scholarship I had just flushed down the toilet because I was in "love". These are some of the hard realities that a lot of today's youth face. Where am I going? What will I do?

*I am 29 years old, and I still don't know the answers to these questions. I know that I am a mother and a wife, and I have a CNA license and enjoy taking care of the elderly, but I also know that I would like to become a nurse, but that it is not a financially smart move at this juncture in my life. Maybe when the kids get older. It seems that this is my answer to just about everything that I wanna do, but what I fail to realize is.....that as the kids get older, so do I.

LOOKING BACK

For anyone out there who doesn't know, I have a 10 yr. old daughter that I had just a few short months after graduating high school. Her biological father has never been a part of her life. Don't get the wrong idea, he knows all about her. He simply CHOOSES not to be a part of her growing up. A good friend of mine, who knew both of us back in the day, got to talking to me the other night online about everything I went through by being a single, teen mother. While we were talking, my pen started writing. This happens very often. Sometimes, I can be doing just about anything and a new poem will start spewing. So for anyone out there who has also found themselves alone w/ a baby and a lost love, the following poem is for you. Hope you enjoy it...

SHATTERED

by: Tanjua S. Waddle

Shattered and falling to the floor.

My heart breaks into a million splinters.

To think back on that youthful summer,

and forget the pain of that winter.

A summer filled w/ all your love,

your kisses and warm embrace.

A winter filled w/ emptiness and sorrow,

and this hard truth that I must face.

When you were here for me, all was well.

You held me close inside your heart.

Then winter came and you were lost,

and the cold winter breeze kept us apart.

Together we created this child.

Now we are apart, and I raise her alone.

You were too weak to stake your claim,

so now I raise her on my own.

She has never seen you smile at her.

Never heard the voice I know so well.

She is the mirror image of the face I loved.

What her life will be, only time will tell.

Shattered and falling to the floor.

My heart breaks into a million splinters.

To think back on that youthful summer,

and forget the pain of that winter.

BACK IN THE DAY

I have been giving a lot of thought lately to old friends. Everyone remembers those few friends that each of you had when you were younger. Those friends that you promised you would never lose touch with no matter where life took you. Unfortunately, few people can actually keep this promise. Friendships that you lose throughout the years, not due to anything said or done, but simply due to life. Have you ever noticed how often your life gets in the way of what you want to do. I have had several good friends in my 29 years, but only a few that I still have contact with. This is usually the case. How many people out there can honestly say that they still have the friends that have meant the most to them. Probably not many. I know that I can't. Now, a lot of friends have come and gone throughout the years, but few still remain. As life changes, so does what we expect out of our friends. We grow older, we get married, we have kids, and everything changes. This is life. So, if by chance, you find yourself thinking about that one person from your past that you miss the most. My advice to you, is look them up. Call them on the phone. Let them know you still think about them. Sometimes, it takes very little effort to renew a friendship. Good Luck!!!!!

THE WORDS WILL FLOW.....MAYBE

...As of right this moment I have no idea what I want to write about today. Today is my sister's birthday, so I think I will write about sisters. I have 2 just in case anyone is interested. I also have 6 brothers. This number includes halves and step. The sister in question today is my only full sibling. Her birthday is February 15th and she is 5 years older than me. So happy 34th birthday Jenn. My birthday is tomorrow. Just so everyone knows, I will be 29 years old and I am wondering where all the years went. I know for some of you this may sound young, but I have lived a long life in a few short years and I have not always been the best person I can be. OK.. I got off the subject a little. I will save that for a later date. So, what can I say about sisters. Oh..by the way, I also have a younger sister that will be 18 next week. We are all really spaced apart. So, anyway, sisters can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Sometimes they can even be both at the same time. My sisters and I have had our differences over the years, but we still keep in touch and talk all the time. My older sister and I have had a lot of issues over the years, but we both know that we will always be there for each other which is the way it should be. My sister has not always agreed w/ the choices I have made in my life, but she has still supported me in them. My younger sister on the other hand has always been more like my kid than my sister. I was 11 when she was born and I took care of her a lot while our mom worked. I always found it hard to be non-biased when she tries to talk to me about stuff, and it is really hard not to tell mom when I know she has done something she shouldn't. I have to remember that she should be able to trust me. Besides, mom's are not suppose to know everything. I know I got away w/ plenty. So in conclusion, sisters are there for you like the US postal service the only difference is that sisters work holidays to....So make sure, after reading this, you call up your sister and tell her you love her. No matter who comes and goes in your life, your siblings are forever and they will always be there for you when you need them..

WELL TODAY IS HERE

.....WELL Today is the here....the least favorite day of the year for many. Valentine's Day is the busiest days of the year for most flower shops in this country. Unfortunately, after all these years, the men in our lives still do not get us. We do not want flowers. We do not want candy or flowers. OK.. maybe I am talking for myself, but hey..this is my page so I can. I have not received anything from Bill as of this moment and do not know what I will get, if anything. But the statements I made above are true for me. I want something for Valentine's Day that proves that my husband knows who I am and understands me. It could be something as simple as a book or a card. As long as it comes from him, all is good. Now I know some of you out there absolutely despise Valentine's Day. Believe me, I used to be one of them. Most people that harbor ill feelings towards this holiday are either alone, or with someone who needs to get a clue. I know that when it comes to Bill, I have to start giving clues a couple of weeks in advance. You know all the little things you do w/out even thinking about it. Lingering over a watch set a little longer than necessary to make sure he sees you.....mentioning off-handed someplace you haven't eaten in a while....and of course there is always the "I wish I had" line that can always be used as long as it does not immediately precede the holiday. Time changes the gift giving process in any relationship. Bill no longer asks what I want, he just buys something...and sometimes he just buys anything. I love the man to death, but he says I am hard to shop for, it is just untrue. I am the most easy person to shop for. I like just about everything. The only thing that hinders my Valentine's Day gift receiving is that my birthday is 2 days later and usually Bill feels he has to combine the two days and get me something big. I don't need anything big. I just wanna know he still loves me after 9 years. I think that deep down that is all anyone wants to know. So....Happy Valentine's Day everyone....Enjoy your dying flowers....

ON A PERSONAL NOTE

This post is all about me...This past week was kinda eventful in a personal way...Well let me start this another way....about 3 weeks ago my loving husband bought me my very first brand new computer....

So of course i had to get my internet hooked so that i could chit-chat w/ my sister in Ohio...Then of course i started looking up people from my past...I found out about myspace and set myself up an account and fixed my page all up w/ all kinds of stuff...I've got slide shows and music video's and all kinds of friends and comments....Then i found Toby.......Toby is one of my , boyfriends turned great friend, from way back when...So I decided to take a peak at who Toby had as his friends...AND THERE HE WAS...Paul Harris...I had found him....After 9 years of having no clue at all where to look...there he was....so of course i sent him a message and "boom"...just like that we were back in touch....I can't even begin to explain the huge part this person played in my life...when i was 17 i got pregnant and Paul was there for me... when i had no place to go, Paul was there offering me a bed....He was my friend and I came to rely on him being there...Then he moved away...and i lost him....Now he is back and i talk to him daily....I am so glad that i found him .. and i will never lose him again.....